Buried feelings

I'm so blue right now, that I couldn't think any were else to go, but my room, and take out my lap, and write something about myself.

I think my life is missing the happy part of it, I'm living my life, like if I had 40 year's or something like that, I don't feel like a 16 year old girl, I feel like a granny, my brain and my body, feels like that. sometimes not even my behavior is similar to a 16 year old girl, you may sound like if I was describing a creepy old woman with 27 cat's in her house, but I'm not I'm actually talking about me.

And for now on, I'll make a pact with myself, which is that I'll enjoy the little thing's, I will laugh harder, I'll take a minute or two to appreciate the life that I'm living because I'm really lucky to have this life.

I'll take time to realize the beauty of the world, with it's bad and good thing's, 'cause no one seems to care about the world, so I will,

I know this may sound like an invented story, or so, but it's not!. -I can't believe I'm going to say this but...- I never asked to grow, I know that is a natural process of life it self, but it's not OK, -it really isn't- you may be wondering why?. It's a easy answer, 'case growing up it's just like rolling in the floor with no clothes on, and I don't mean floor, I meant like the ground, with all the mud, stones, and dirt, and while you're rolling these thing's hurt you and you can't fight with them all the time, sometimes you have to stop fighting and just resist. 

 But what can I do?, when I talk to myself about this situation, I think that the only thing that I can't do, it's just stand it and live with it, because some day, I know I will be big!, and I will shine, -not like a movie star o anything-, I will shine with my smile, because I can!, and I will study harder so, I could make easier my residence in school, so for now on, these will be like a bible, every time I feel disappointed about my self, I will read this and I will remember that I can stand anything,

I can do it, 'cause I'm beautiful, and strong, I have more guts that all my classmates together, 'cause they didn't lived their childhood like I did, and because they didn't had the parent's that I had. - and I thank god, I have my parent's, with me, because without them I would be lost-.

So for now on, I will change my attitude, because I don't want to feel this way, anymore!.

Love, Lore.

PS: I really needed to share this with someone, 'cause I've been feeling sort of drowned, with this buried feeling I had deep in my heart. 

Loneliness is ON

Have you ever feel like quiting everything?, like if you wanted to scape far far away to a unknown country, or city, left everything behind, and never comeback to the start?.

I kind of feel like that I don't know why, I feel like I need more than myself to carry on, I don't mean I need a MAN, I actually don't need one, but I would like to have more friend's, more stories to be told, but nothing ever happens to me.

No one ever came and say hi, to me, no one asks me what's my name?, no one worries 'bout my feelings.

What is important to them? Do they care about their looking?, Do they care about their appearances?, Do they care about anyone else besides themselves?.... I think the only answer I'm going to get is NO.

What is the beauty of life, if you are only interested in the out side and not in the inside?, what's the point of eating, if you are not going to enjoy it?, whats the point of reading i you only, read gossip?, whats the point of talking, if you are only speaking?...

What the sense of living for them?, the truly important things for me are love, hope, and peace, but they're vanishing down, 'cause it seems I'm actually the only one who cares about something that deserves to be cared.

But no one understands what I believe in, no one understands why, I'm ME.

Hope someday, I'll find someone who has the things I can't find in me... But for now on, it seems I'm just me vs the world. But what am I fighting for?...